"Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?"

"Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?"

6Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7If you really knew me, you would know[b] my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him."

8Philip said, "Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us."

9Jesus answered: "Don't you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'? 10Don't you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you are not just my own. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. 11Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves. 12I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. 14You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
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I feel like I finally understand Thomas' question.

Probably the most depressing entry yet

I feel so dead. I feel so desensitized, like I could be depressed but I am too unfeeling and happy and distracted to feel overly sad. I do feel bitter...I have never wanted to swear so much in my life, not out of rage, but out of a discontented, frustrated, indifference that has taken root this past year. I don't know. I feel like the only thing I know is that I don't know. I feel like it so hard to know the truth and then it's hard to make good decisions. Lately I feel like I am wreck, a mess and it's not even the healthy kind that Jesus saves...like prostitutes or whatever judgmental example I can give. I just feel unfeeling but frustrated at my ability to accurately understand who God is. Like I can't discern what is God and what is my projection onto Him. I used to think I was doing the right thing in my teen years by not doing certain things...I thought it was what God wanted but now I see it was inspired by fear. If I believed certain things about God back then that weren't true, acted on those beliefs, and missed out on a lot of great things, then I am scared to think what I am screwing up now by wrong beliefs. I am told not to do it in my own strength but I don't know that means anymore. I really don't. Cliches really get to me know...what do they really mean? Obedience takes some strength. I can't be totally passive. What's the difference between waiting, trusting, and being passive? I don't know. Oh goodness I just don't know.

I want to feel excited about life again. I feel like my faith is slowly being dulled over time and I am losing discernment and discretion and I'm falling asleep or something. And in the midst of all of this I feel so self-centered.

It's so hard...