One Last Thought

I am about to go but I wanted to write one quick thought before I leave the lab...

I used to think that I was strong but now I am seeing what a mess I am and I really don't know all the things that I thought I knew. I feel like I need to go back and unlearn a whole bunch of stuff before I can learn new things. This isn't a pity party, don't worry, but I feel like I can realistically look at my life and see hypocrisy, injustice, fear, all this crap that I didn't want to admit to before because I was so focused on trying to be perfect. I thought that if I was perfect or at least came close or tried to be, then I would be accepted. But that is so silly. True acceptance comes in spite of imperfection. I'm really not that strong. I am a proud person and hiding my flaws is a way to keep God at an arm's length. It's like saying, I'm fine, I don't need you to fix me, I have everything under control. But I don't.

Control is completely out of my control. I have a mess on my hands, covering me entirely and I need God to be my strength because I can't keep it all together.

Thank God that when I am weak, then I am strong.